It begins shortly after the honeymoon- the shift of tectonic plates (i.e. earthquakes to the not-so-solid ground of our expectations). Like, say- when you discover your husband drinks from the carton, eats from the can and belches from his innermost parts.
Not my husband, of course, but I’ve heard…
Or later on- hypothetically speaking- he overfeeds the kids with pizza and two cartons of Rocky Road ice cream, then attempts to clean up the vomit with your vacuum while you are out for the afternoon having a baby or something…
But there’s no use arguing over the fault line, because we women are not the only ones for whom the plates shift. John had to deal with the Mother of All Tectonic Shifts, P.M.S. : One week of earthquakes, one week of disaster clean-up, two weeks recovering from aftershocks, aannd…
His only chance of parole was pregnancy or menopause, the latter meaning he needed a coat, scarf, and hat all winter. Even in bed. Because I need the windows open for that frosty air- it’s SWELTERING in here… Oh wait…no it’s not…Can you turn the heat up?
So yeah- we’ve leveled the playing field sisters, and it may just slope in our direction.
About these posts:
I welcome readers of the male species, but I am not comfortable addressing men in an instructive manner…Wait…What? Stop laughing John.
My opinions, while hopefully Biblical, are not intended as professional counseling. I speak to you as a sister in Christ, a mother, and a friend (yeah-that crazy one).
Let’s see…I think I’ve covered all my bases- oh, wait…one more thing: If you try my recipe for bread pudding but OMIT THE SAUCE, and end up taking home the majority of a 13×9 pan of soggy, tasteless bread from a church potluck, it’s NOT MY FAULT!!! Moving on…
A spouse who leaves their faith is no laughing matter. It’s really really scary, and based on whether its a slow slide, or a quick descent, emotions vary. We grieve. As in any grief, there’s a pattern (usually) and a process (always).
The first response is usually shock and denial, because to face a crisis gives it substance. To acknowledge it is to say, “This thing is REAL, and it might not go away.”
I prefer denial. To recognize all this pain is the last thing I want to do. What I want to do is drugs. Or run far, far, away. Or drink.
(see former post under “Vodka”)
Yet while the temptation to escape, hide, kill, die or deny may be our first inclination, THOU SHALT NOT.
Denial is the first yellow brick on the road to insanity. We’re forced to create diversions, and depending on our coping skills (and creativity), there is no end of the lengths to which we’ll go as we attempt to keep reality from popping out of the box, Jack. But adjectives like “obsessive, “excessive,” and “destructive” are usually involved.
It often takes the death of something, to open our eyes to Truth:
“In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord….”
Your spouse’s loss of faith is a death to a tie that binds. It may be death to the reason you married him- though not death to the reason God allowed you to marry him, and I’d be pretty angry about that. Furious, maybe.
But face this death facing Him. Face Him wearing your angry eyes if that’s the reality. Maybe it’ll help a little to know that He cries over this too.
It’s a first step, and it’s a big step toward healing. Healing for you, your marriage and…. your husband because ( I say this next thing in a whisper) as difficult as it may be to embrace this, it’s quit possible-probable even- that your husband is hurting too.
Life is emotionally abusive, isn’t it? But walk in truth.
Reality is truth, and truth bites.
But then it sets you free. So walk in truth. Or crawl, if necessary.
(And know you are loved with an Everlasting Love, and that I am praying and cheering you on to the finish line).
In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, seated on His throne, high and exalted…
Jesus said, “I am the WAY, the TRUTH, the LIFE…”
He (the Lord) Himself has said, “NEVER will I leave you. NEVER will I forsake you.
…If you continue in my word, you are really my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.